When 2 Souls Meet...

It's a beautiful thing. You talk, you laugh, you share stories. Then you get married and have children. Somewhere along the way, you get sick of each other. Suddenly flaws that you have never noticed before begin to creep into your attention, and it enlarges. You get mad and you yell at each other. Some couples resolve it, others try but can't, still others go on pretending it didn't happen.

I'm not sure which of the above categories my parents fall into, but I know which one they don't fall into. In fact, I'm not even sure if they even see each other. Maybe all they're seeing a version of each other that they have subconsciously built up over the years. A version that is the worst of each other. I know what I see. I see myself. I see them and I know they haven't changed in any way. I see myself now and I know I'm taking this differently to how I did a year ago.

I questioned myself many times over the past year. Even more so when I returned with a different mindset to the same situation. I wondered whether there were more that I could have done. Maybe there was. Now I just know that if I'm the only one trying to figure things out with reason rather than angst, I might as well not bother. I feel like this is a tug of war and I'm the string.

Am I wrong to be selfish? Am I wrong to let this go? I don't know. All I know is that with each passing day, I'm losing a shred of sanity.

Funny how one can learn to grow numb to the madness and block it away. I left the worst unsaid, let it all dissipate and I try to forget. But as I closed my eyes, steadied my feet on the ground, raised my head to the sky. And though time rolled by. Still I feel like that child as I look at the moon. Maybe I grew up a little too soon.