Lost

Damnit Hotmail! You did not just delete 2 years of my memory without even warning me. Asdswepxc'[dsd! Screw. You. Too!

Ok, so that was NOT what I was going to blog about but as I was going back to my old blog...

Right, a sudden stroke of brilliance hit me, I just remembered that I linked my old blog in my first post here. So I went and clicked on the link and it led me to a page with instructions from Spaces on how to move your blog or download it. Excellent! I am now happily saving my old blog onto my laptop! Yippee!

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Luckily, the title I typed out of anger/panic is still relatively relevant. After reading back on some old blog entries I have come to the realisation of "WHERE THE FUCK DID RUI GO?!!". Whatever little shred of humour I had before have now completely abandoned me, left me alone in this world of grey to curl up in a corner and cry. Fine, be that way, I'll go find someone new. Pffft. It's not like you're the only thing that makes people laugh at me.

Another realisation is how mundane my life was/is. School work, school work and more school work. With a pinch of procrastination and a splash of work work. I don't think I ever had the time, environment or mindset to do anything other than those three things. I think this year I've had a lot more free time due to living only 10 minutes away from my classrooms as well as not having to care as much about my grades.

However, in saying that, I believe I've spent a good majority of that extra free time this last few months thinking about the same freaking thing! The truth is I am still deliberating on what I should do. The truth is, it is about time I started thinking about responsibilities and taking risks. The truth is I am finally slowly starting to face myself and what is ahead of me. But the ultimate truth is I think I have commitment issues!

It's not so much that I will not commit but more that I will be less inclined to commit unless I know 100% for sure that I will be getting some sort of benefit out of it. What can I say, I'm just a realist. I don't like to invest unless I know I will be making a profit. This is probably why I have yet to make a decision but rather have been strolling up and down the hall of decision-making for the last half a year. But you know what? I'm done with all the strolling, tired of the same ol' scenery, it is about freaking time I committed to one direction and give it my all. 不幸的是我完全冇好好地计划，而且还半路杀出个程咬金。

由现在开始要好好想个详细的计划，要坚定，要果断，最紧要的是不可以拖泥带水！


Peace out (off).